Solitude

Sometimes I just don't want to do anything. In saying that, I think I still do a lot more than most people when they say that. My parents always told me that I am better at everything than I perceive myself to be, compared to most people (So I am better at doing nothing than most people?). Of course this can be interpreted as a loving confidence boost from parent to child. Also, there are certainly people in this world who do much, much more than I when they say the same thing. When I do nothing, I usually clean the house, go shopping, watch a chain of episodes of Top Chef on my computer, and do little to no exercise - yesterday I followed a pretty difficult 40 minute yoga video.

So what do I actually mean when I say that I don't want to do anything? I guess it is something I say when I am feeling pressure to complete an task and am procrastinating its completion. I haven't had any work this week which in turn provides me with ample time to complete said task. When I say I don't want to do anything, in reality it means I don't want to a specific task, whether it be laundry, cooking for myself, or putting on a bra. It doesn't mean that I literally don't want to do anything.

I realise I am rambling, and have yet to include a memory in this entry. I wonder if I had more friends living where I do right now, if I would feel as comfortable remaining in the confines of my little apartment for a few days straight. When I lived in the mountains I was always desperate to be somewhere, with someone, doing something. Rarely was I content to stay home and do "nothing." I used to love to jump into the car (mine or someone else's), drive for 5 or 10 minutes, and arrive at a good friend's home or the base of the mountain to go ski. I think some of my favourite memories include my friends who lived down by the lake. Nothing was certain, there was always opportunity for excitement to ignite. As of yet I haven't felt that pang of yearning for constant company. Have I really changed that much since I've left the mountains? Do I feel more whole now that I am with my soulmate? I'm not sure. Perhaps it is too soon to tell.